The gothic spires and gargoyles of St. Vitus loomed overhead as the rapidly swelling storm clouds emitted the first downpour, and the gray expanse beyond bellowed thunder unleashing an electric bolt that seemed to terminate at the very tips of my feet. I looked for shelter-all I could see through the veil of black water was the overpriced, overcrowded tourist trap the Black Tower Café, and an open, empty doorway which beckoned me inside with a black background poster of tiny, smiling figurines. I ran up seven flights of wooden stairs, and paid the 60 kc entrance fee, hoping to immerse myself in the solace of something other than the now black and roaring sky.

The first rooms were empty and smelled of must. I wandered slowly, shivering in my wet clothes, until I heard it. “Looooook at meeeeeeee,” it hissed. “Loooooook at meeeeee!” Involuntarily my head snapped up and I faced with a lifeless, life size baby doll, eyes wide, lips parted. I waited for it to speak again, some evidence that I wasn’t going insane, but it only stared, peering out behind dull, glass eyes, boring into me through the glass barrier. From room to room it continued-the history of dolls and toys from the 17th century onward: wax busts of devils and forbidding saints; Indian figurines aiming poisoned arrows; ragged, wilting teddy bears with outstretched paws begging to be picked up, to save them from the alienation of Toyland, where the concentration of so many playthings in one place sucked out the joy they were intended to bring.

I couldn’t leave. They called to me with their life-like faces, these dolls carved of wood, of porcelain, of bone. Only historical facts written on tiny placards brought me back to the thunder roaring outside- “the first teddy bear was created in 1903 and named after President Teddy Roosevelt,” “stuffed animals originated from pin cushions,” “in the early 20th century people demanded more amiable doll faces,” but the surreal presence of the outstretched arms, the vulnerable yet demanding eyes pulled me back to their world behind the glass.

Managing to break away with a glance at the robot case, strangely more human and comforting than the dolls, I took to the stairs once again, only to find three giant rooms of Barbies: from the first Barbie created by Ruth Handler in 1959 to modern day “Working Woman Barbie.” Barbie in bikinis with Skipper and Ken, Barbie as Jackie O., aerobic Barbie, Twiggy Barbie, Jane Fonda Barbie, Barbie in Bob Mackie and Givenchy, Pop Art Barbie, Barbie in Pucci, African American Barbie, Hollywood Legend Barbie, Yuppie Ken, Sporty Ken, Austro-Hungarian soldier Ken-I thought I would be sick, my head was a blur of plastic and pink, it was all a maze of arms and eyes and whispers “Dress meeeeee,” “Play with meeeeeee,” “Don’t you think I’m prettyyyyyyyyyy???” I couldn’t take it! I rushed back outside into the blackness, the Golden Lane now empty, the thunder echoing off the cobblestones, and I ran and ran and ran, away from the dull-eyed madness of the Prague Castle Toy Museum forever.

The Toy Museum at Prague Castle is open daily from 9:30 to 17:30. Admission is 60 kc, 40 kc for students.

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