New Year's Resolutions: How to be cruel to be kind to yourself

By Jessi Tabalba

New Year's Day. It's morning. You've woken up next to a colleague from your dead-end job who just happened to be similarly celebrating another twelve months of rent-paying semi-serfdom. The ashtray is overflowing with a veritable United Nations of cigarette ends (Gauloises, Lucky Strike, L&M, and Start, representing the Czech Republic with the most unfortunate brand name ever for a highly addictive product in the European Union).

There's an empty bottle or two to remind you of exactly how you finished that last night of the year. There are vacant plates in the sink from your greasy pre-bash dinner, and you're thinking of finishing the last of your Christmas chocolate for breakfast; your blood sugar is low, anyway. It seems that New Year's Eve wasn't different from any other day of the year, really: you drank too much, ate too much, smoked too much, hated your job and fumbled at relationships. But suddenly you remember-- it's New Year's Day, and here starts the rest of your life. You've made a resolution to take better care of yourself, and by golly, you're going to keep it.

The USA.gov website lists losing weight, keeping fit, quitting smoking, getting a better job, and reducing stress as among the most popular New Year's resolutions in America. Giving more to charity, paying off debt, and saving money also rank as top priorities. Come New Year's, Americans (and I assume that New Year's resolutions across the world are similar) want to be thinner, healthier, richer, happier, and kinder people. Don't get me wrong-- these are noble goals-- but, personally I hate New Year's resolutions. And I'll tell you why with my favorite Latin maxim: Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

New Year's is a great time for parties; New Year's Eve is a spectacular excuse to go all out; to drink more than usual, to eat better than usual, to dress prettier, and dance closer. But when the champagne flutes are tallied and the hors d'oeuvres are digested, it really is just another day. Choosing January 1st as a day for personal change is heavily symbolic for many people, but why limit improving your life to that one day? Every day has the potential for change and renewal.

A relatively low percentage (I found numbers between 3% and 15% after a Google search) of New Year's resolutions are kept, since the day that they started was, in a sense, chosen artificially. So seize the day – if you feel like you should quit smoking on June 14th, do it; if you don't feel ready to better the budget or move jobs by the end of the year, don't. You’re bound to fail if you do it out of obligation to some number on your Far Side calendar.

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