| on 11-08-2008 14:02
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Published in : , Misc |
In the wake of several citizens and a few nations preoccupied with human rights and their collective disdain for China holding the XXIX Olympiad, we thought of holding an alternative – Urban Olympics 2008. In our Games we’d play capture the Torch Bearer – none of this mamsy pamsy dousing the flame, as several disgruntled human rights activists have attempted to do.
There wouldn’t be time for dissident Torch Bearers prancing about with the Tibetan flag bragging that they’re “an American” (as happened in San Francisco, with runner Majora Carter) and that means they have the freedom of expression to insult a World Nation that’s buying out corporations and real estate planet wide. The Torch and the flag in this instance were ripped from the Carter's hands by Chinese agents with U.S. police escort. (Wake up my dear! Being American means, while you’re encouraged to speak your mind, it doesn’t ensure you’ll get away with it).
The flamer (torch bearer) would be running for dear life… we’d of course have a bounty* on their head. And when the Torch is captured, the Bearer gets water-boarded until they are ready to accept one crucial truth, no one wants to upset China, there’s too many of them …and they are continuously reliable for dirt cheap production costs (see: Nike, Adidas, Reebok and New Balance, a.k.a. sponsors**).
Don’t get too upset, people, China might end up with a 15 billion dollar bill like Greece did four years ago. Maybe it’s even an international plot to subterfuge the imminent Chinese Industrial World Dominance plan by making them bankrupt and holding a magnifying glass towards the unsavory behavior of slaughtering pacifist monks, OR it’s a way for the Olympic Games Committee to beef up television ratings – most viewers tuning in to see the possibility of protest, civil unrest or stuff blowing up over the cheering for the actual sports taking place.
What we need is another form of Olympics; The Naked Barefoot Olympics or Bareback Olympiad for short. It'd be free of uniform/sneaker sponsors and it should be held on a grass field with sand dunes, athletes could wear headbands to identify their nationality. Every nation sponsors a food tent to feed the production staff and athletes (however, someone would have to donate the food for half of Africa's tents - someone call Geldof, on any day but Monday). Water and homemade sodium sports fluids would be in fountains and every athlete or attendee would be given a metal cup (which would also serve as a souvenir) to drink from the fountains anytime they want it. And none of this gold medal / silver medal crap... laurel wreaths and the kudos that go along with winning something due to your inherent and concerted efforts towards improvement should be sufficient***.
*The bounty prize winner gets to throw the Torch in fry oil of the most central sh*t serving fast food trough in the city… in Prague that’d be smack dab in front of the Museum of Communism.
**In 2002, the IOC came under fire because uniforms for torchbearers were made in Burma — a country known for routinely using forced labour in factories. Yet, the Olympics are frequently sponsored by multinationals like Nike and Shell, companies with terrible environmental and human rights records.
Source: Massacres and Profits: A Brief History of the Olympics by Maryann Abbs
*** This would include the nation of origins' restaurants buying their athletes drinks, and dinner when returning home as a competitive event champion of 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place.... and free sex offers wouldn't be bad either.
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