Ever since he was 13, “Jacob” has had an infatuation for men’s socks. So much so, he said, that he claims to have collected more than three dozen individual socks. Usually, the dirtier they were, the better, he said.
“It’s really sort of odd because I can’t stand looking at feet,” Jacob, 28, said. “But I just love dirty socks. I’d sneak into the boys’ locker room after baseball practice and collect the stray ones the guys on the team would accidentally forget about, the smelly ones that were just laying around. Then I’d usually take them home with me and sniff them.”
“Sally” has a different fervor. She insists that her male partners wear lingerie—if on a weekday, then under their crisp business suits—for 24 hours before she has sex with them. She says that she is aroused by the idea of her partners experiencing the sensations of silk and satin, as well as the possibility of them getting caught when they use the men’s room.
“Men are sometimes turned off by me, because they feel I’m trying to ‘de-masculate’ them or something like that – that couldn’t be less true,” Sally said. “Wearing lingerie gives me an amazing feeling. It’s a feeling of power, in a sense. Since I also love dressing in lingerie, I wish more men would be open to experiencing it.”
Dirty tube socks and men in lingerie not really your style? Welcome to the kinky and frivolous mind of a fetishist. If you’ve ever had a secret desire to dress up in a leather harness or get spanked while wearing diapers—or if the idea of sucking toes or earlobes covered in blueberry yogurt arouses you—rest assured, you’re not alone. Fetishists can be male or female, straight, gay or bisexual, and they come from different social, ethnic and professional backgrounds.
Few fetishes are original, yet some are more socially accepted than others. For example, Tony Hamer’s tastes include rubber and leather bondage—he used to play the dominant role opposite submissive female partners—which have captured the attention of popular culture via pop music videos and high fashion. “I think ['fetish'] has taken on a slightly different meaning in recent years,” Hamer said. “The fetish scene has become more fashionable lately … although what we do is as old as mankind.”
In fact, there are varying definitions of fetishism. “A fetish is any inanimate object given unreasonable attention or any part of the body not of a sexual nature that arouses erotic feelings,” Hamer said.
However, psychologists offer a different explanation. In their view, fetishism is actually a paraphilia, or disorder, diagnosed to patients who use their passion to harm others.
In modern culture, however, “fetishism” is used to name any sexual preference perceived as unusual. This includes preference for physical and ethnic features (fat or Asian fetishism), objects or accessories (stockings, piercings) and fluids (semen, urine). More specific categories include partialism, defined as a fetish for a specific part of the body (breasts, navels, ears and feet), and medical fetishism (anesthesia, amputee and abasiophilia, or disability, fetishes).
Many are divided on the development of a fetish. Hamer, however, can trace his fetish back to his earliest childhood memories, during which stories of kidnappings and Native American battle scenes incorporating prisoners tied to stakes fascinated him. He claims not to have any control over his preference and is unable to explain why bondage turns him on.
“I have, as far as I know, always had this fetish and am naturally dominant in at least part of any relationship,” Hamer said. “I used to fantasize about tying one particular girl up under the local football pavilion. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have known what to do at that time, but it was my first thought. So perhaps I was born this way. Who knows?”
Many fetishists, like Hamer, can name a specific event at which they first indulged their fetishes.
“I was introduced to [the bondage scene] by an older female friend of my mother’s at the age of 13,” he said. “I suppose nowadays it would hit the news and be classified as abuse. But to me, it felt right and was enjoyable. So I guess no harm was done.”
And what about the fetish-curious, who may be experiencing their fetish for the first time? Hamer suggests attending a social event called a “munch,” which has recently become commonplace. “They are an excellent way of meeting like-minded people, and a very safe way for newcomers to find a gentle introduction to the organized scene, and find prospective partners for play in a friendly, safe environment.”
Although it is often difficult, many fetishists hope to incorporate their inclinations into an otherwise “normal” relationship. The advent of the World Wide Web, however, makes it easier than ever, Hamer said.
“I am quite happy with myself and have never hidden the fact of who or what I am,” Hamer said. “It is more of an empty space in my life not having a second half who is my soul mate and opposite half to the equation. A relationship wouldn’t be complete without this side of me.”
Likewise, Sally hasn’t given up on finding a Mr. Right who’ll submit to her lacy requests.
“People have different tastes,” she said. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
by Curtis M. Wong
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