...there's no one there to teach you these things.

The Provo Police Department—bored to tears with waiting around for Mormon miscreants to materialize at the Missionary Training Center or bad boys and girls to slip off the Brigham Young University campus for some premarital petting—knows a crime when it's handed one. So reports the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints–owned Deseret News.    

OREM — Excuse me, sir. Is this your weed?
A smart criminal would answer, "No."
Then again, a smart criminal wouldn't have called police to report that his marijuana had been stolen.

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