By Peter Utgaard

If you’re anything like us here at Provokator you’ve probably often found yourself wandering idly through your atrium thinking, “How can I spend $20 million dollars today?” And the answer, my friend, is Space Tourism. I know what you’re thinking: “Space Tourism is for the super rich. I would never lower myself to their level."

But this is the 21st Century! For the first time you have the opportunity of being one of the first people in space to have absolutely no reason for being there.

You can be the guy on the couch whose name no one is really sure of… in space! An intergalactic Kato Kaelin! What's more, the tacky label of tourist is in the process of being dropped. Greg Olson, the third of the civilian space adventurers, spoke out against his tourist title preferring to go by the more humble and specific “private science researcher.” Rick Tumlinson, founder of the Space Frontier Foundation, told space.com, "It's sort of derogatory to think of all the people who would be flying in space as tourists." We agree. We prefer to think of them as ManGods of the Sky.

Now you might think to yourself, “Sure, I have the money. But am I really qualified to be a ManGod of the Sky? Space travel is for rugged mathematicians with that rare combination of genius and grit.” Well not anymore. Unless you consider Lance Bass from ‘N Sync a gritty genius. No, the only qualification necessary to become a ManGod is the willingness to give obscene amounts of money to people who really don’t need it. Liberty is sweet.

Originally, NASA frowned on the whole space tourism idea, citing concern for safety and the dangers of having to spend months trapped in a tin can with Lance from ‘N Sync. But if NASA wasn't part of the space tourism industry, exactly how did it skyrocket? Blame it on the Russians and their space program’s rare combination of desperation for cash and complete lack of regard for the risk to human life. They rolled their eyes at NASA’s moral stance and just did it anyway.

Not to be outdone, Bush signed the Commercial Space Launch Amendments Act, affectionately referred to as H.R. 5382, in late 2004. H.R. 5382 made it so easy and lucrative for private companies to do whatever they want in terms of space flight that, according to msnbc.com, “Approval in the Senate came as a surprise even to some of the bill's biggest backers. When informed that the legislation had actually passed, [Space Policy Consultant James] Muncy responded with a mild expletive of wonderment.”

H.R. 5382 makes it possible for the Federal Aviation Administration to regulate space craft safety in terms of passengers and crew for the next eight years. So until 2012, anyone going up in a tourist space craft has only the private sector's legendary benevolence to rely on for their safety, which will be at the whim of the lowest bidder.

Not only that, but it has now become far more difficult for investors and private companies to be held liable for any mishaps that might occur during flight. The reason given for the relaxation of regulations was the fact that the development of an inherently risky industry might potentially be hampered by lawsuits. This is sometimes known as accountability.

So go out and tell the unwashed masses to put their pitchforks and torches back in their lynch closets, because not even they can stop our universal dream of being a ManGod of the Sky. Or of owning a hoverboard, for that matter.

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