Tom Waits Fest: In tribute to the coolest tramp ever to drive a Cadillac through old L.A. town, thousands of revellers will gather to exchange withered pork pie hats, drink copious amounts of whisky and growl over hundreds of pianos. An alcoholic’s dream.

Glove Parade: In tribute to Berlin’s finest festival, thousands of people worldwide will walk through the streets simultaneously in various ranges of hand-wear. Meanwhile glove god Michael Jackson will wave his funky stuff on big screens. Top tip: cheap finger fashion can be purchased at Prague’s legendary Bankrot....

Bedding Festival: Exactly that: Bring Your Own Bedding is enforced as serial sleepers head to a spot in the rural heartlands of the Czech Republic to take part in a synchronised snooze. Other attractions include pyjama pogo-ing and pillow-fighting.

Breastival: We've all seen the videos in which beefy guys ask fair festival-going maidens to reveal themselves for the camera. Forget the camera. Forget the music, for that matter. And you have this!

Classico-tech-trance Fest: Ever wondered why you never hear enough of Stravinsky’s strings at Techno nights? Ever wished a concerto would be concluded by crowds of people shouting “let’s ‘ave it!”? You'll find all you've ever wanted at this festival composed of seven tents of unadulterated viola’n’bass and conductors using glowsticks.

Flog the Pig Fest- Remember those idiots who thought "sharking" (pulling down the panties or bra of unsuspecting women, humiliating them) was funny? And published their exploits on unscrupulous video sites. This is the fest for you. You'll be lured in with promise of boobs and pussy galore. You'll pay your ticket, receive a wristband and upon entry- be very well hung, by your balls - in public at a nude beach.

Tickets available at Provokator.org

Buzz Kill Fest:  All you ravers and tech people will absolutely love/hate this fest but you won't know it until after you drank the "space punch".

Ingredients: Ecstasy, Kava Kava, Guararna, Heroin, and Salt Peter (potassium nitrate), Strawberry flavoring.

Vegan Feast: All the good clean and un-tainted food that vegans eat must make them awfully tasty. A feast for the rest of us with BBQ Vegan served on a stick and free cheese dip for the crispy fried vegan digits.

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