by Peter Utgaard

At 42, Roger Tullgren’s life has been torn apart by something he loves: the caressing warmth of Metal. The worst part is he doesn’t even know it.

“I don’t see it as a handicap.” He told the CBC, presumably clinging, in his denial to the only thing that keeps him living another day, “Living as a hard rocker is no handicap.” Fortunately for him, the Swedish Employment Service knows better.

After visiting three psychologists, Tullgren was diagnosed in 2007 as suffering from the disability known as ‘Metalism.’ He has a written notice allowing him to dress in leather, chains and black t-shirts depicting dragons coiling in the stormy sky above a half-naked woman. He receives £65 a week from the government and, mercifully, is allowed to play the music his body is convinced it needs to survive. "But not too loud when there are guests." He somehow manages, we assume, his pale face cringing with pain.

The Swedish government has dealt with the financial difficulties presented by the crippling disorder that has rocked Tullgren’s, and countless other’s, world. But have they done anything to deal with the underlying psychological damage that comes with such a curse? The answer is as hard as the music which has destroyed the lives of so many: No. We imagine Tullgren’s eyes stare blankly forward as he tells Metalclube.com of the loss of friends, “They ... said ‘no, it’s too much metal, you’re crazy...’” and loved ones: “I was married and she said to me: ‘the music or me?’ What a question... Music, I answered. I can only live with music, that’s it.”

At this point we choose to believe he broke into tears.

What causes a man to fall so low? What ingredients go into such lethal alloy?  The answer is surprisingly simple: Disco. "Whenever they were playing disco, I went home to play heavy metal because I couldn't stand it. The more they play disco the more I go home and play harder and harder music." A spiral we have all felt ourselves slipping into at one point or another.

The worst part of the hessian affliction is that Tullgren is unaware of his own suffering. He can be seen on YouTube whoring himself out to various metal bands in a vulgar display one can only assume is done for nothing more than a fix, a free CD, a scrap to keep him headbanging until his next hit: “Hello my name is Roger Tullgren and I’m a certified heavy metal addict. [I] listen to music 24/7 and you should do the same.” An ominous message for the as-yet-unaffected youth.

There is hope, however, as Tullgren appears in the videos to not, despite his claim, be listening to metal music, hinting that maybe there’s still a way out for him some day, somehow.

For now he wallows in his sickness, fully convinced there is no other way. He tells of his love for that very thing that eats his spirit and drains his humanity. “In metal, there is music for every mood - if you're angry or if you're sad.” A grim reminder of the only emotions left in the diseased mind of a Metal Addict.

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